Married to American but Out of Status.

I entered the US in 1997, legally, as a tourist, and got married to a green card holder. I applied for a green card through him but withdrew my application because I got a divorce in 2001. However, at the time I was also under H1B visa, and before the visa expired, I got married (second time) to an american citizen (who was born in the US). We got married in 2002, and ever since we have been living together, a real marriage. I married for the right reason, which is love. Unfortunately, my husband has not yet applied for me and does not intend to do so soon. That puts me in a terrible position: do I leave him and get a divorce so I won't continue to be illegal? What about our marriage? I was legal when we married, but ever since I have been illegal. I have not passed any law in my life, and now I am scared. Why won't he apply for me? Good question.

He has all kinds of 'issues' why he does not want to apply. They issues have nothing to do with me, but with him. He got himself in trouble before he met me and so he does not want to 'expose' himself now. Meanwhile, I am under a lot of stress because I have become a prisoner in my own home. I cannot drive or work, and I am paying a high price for his problems with the law. Do I qualify under the WAVA law, which provided protection for abused women? As much as I love him, it is torture to live this way. Also, even if he does apply for me many years from now, what will happen with the fact I have been here legally ever since I married him? Could I ever adjust my status or is it a lost case? I have tried talking to him about it, but he always tells me not to worry. I am 30 and I don't want to live my life as an outlaw. What are my options? Should I file self petition based on mental abuse? I feel that whatever I do here I am going to lose. If I file on my own, then I basically have to call this marriage quits. This is extremely difficult because we love each other and obviously I did not marry him for papers if I was willing to live this way for two years. However, nothing guarantees he will ever apply for me. And as I said, what are the implications even if he does in so and son years from now? I am fluent in the English language, and very much wish to contribute to the American society. Who can help me? I know my husband will get very upset if I contact any lawyers or psychologists to seek help. I entered the marriage in Bona Fida and did not expect such dificulties from him. I feel it is totally unfair situation for me, and I am afraid of my own shadow. This obviosuly is a very special case. If I do file on my own, I know this will cause some serious problems to my husband. Should I wait? For how long? What are the advantages and disadvantages of waiting or taking my chances? I have been here more than 7 years and totally dependent on my husband now. Please advise.

Thank you.

LisaRod wrote:What about our marriage?

This seems to me to be the toughest question of all, and that's the one you'll have to consider alone, or with a trusted relative/friend, if you have any.

Meantime, let me try to address some of the technical/legal aspects of your situation. It's going to be difficult for you to adjust status, even with his full support: you've overstayed your visa by over a year and probably will be found ineligible to apply to the US CIS for a Green Card. Furthermore, if you leave the country, you'll automatically trigger a 10-year bar from entry to the U.S. At this point your status can probably be still adjusted through a court, technically speaking - either an immigration court or a federal court of appeals. However, without the support of your husband it's next to impossible: the whole argument would be based upon the fact that your departure will break a family, but it must begin with your husband's petiton for you. You mentioned he is afraid to get on the law's radar: it's not helpful. You may, of course, present him with a choice: either he files a petition for you and hopes the immigration officials won't care for whatever else he's done, OR you go to court (having no other avenues for rectifying the problem) and ask a judge to adjust your status without his petition, so his name comes up anyhow, but this time before a judge and not an immigration clerk. Another matter is that I am not so sure a criminal record anywhere makes him a good sponsor in the eyes of the judge who would be looking into your case.

I am also not sure you can self-petition on humanitarian grounds. Whatever is happening to you is too bad, and torture may be a proper figure of speech for it in a private conversation, but it may not necessarily amount to a legal standard where the U.S. government would be compelled to handle it on an exceptional basis.

You would probably need to show that your husband engaged in specific and systematic actions that amount to physical or mental torture (rather than inaction that causes you the anguish). If you have any paperwork from a psychiatrist, it may be helpful, but only a well-qualified lawyer will tell you for sure what is it worth.

I don't know too many sides of your situation for my voice to be conclusive, but your case with him doesn't seem easy to me. Even if you engage all possible means, it may still take years and years before your case is resolved - one way or another .

Technically speaking, I would try to get away from the guy who is hiding from the law and is unwilling to sponsor you. From there you could either abandon the country and begin a new life elsewhere, or try to fight for your chance. Again, technically speaking, your best (if not only) chance would be to marry another guy who is not on the run, and who'd be wiling to sponsor you. The personal and emotional aspects of this are not for me to consider.

LisaRod wrote:Who can help me? I know my husband will get very upset if I contact any lawyers or psychologists to seek help.

Leave your husband if you can, or else seek all legal and physchiatric help available to you and stop caring about his being upset: your life may be wrecked otherwise - all in an effort not to upset him.

LisaRod wrote:This obviosuly is a very special case. If I do file on my own, I know this will cause some serious problems to my husband. Should I wait? For how long? What are the advantages and disadvantages of waiting or taking my chances?

Do not wait, act now: either a direct and, possibly, confrontational conversaton with your husband, OR go stratight to counsel, OR move away from him (not sure if you can) and handle your divorce from a distance, along with other matters.

In any event, be prepared to fight for the right to adjust status - it won't come easy = be prepared to hire a well-qualified attorney who is experienced with similar litigation, particularly with federal courts.

Good luck to you, and try to keep your sanity at all costs.

Please let us know how you are doing.

I hope you have made choices and decisions which place your well-being, physically, spiritually and emotionally as paramount in importance!