I suspect my husband married me for visa papers

[dhimwa123]

Good morning

I write this with a very heavy heart. When i met my nigerian husband he was a student at a college studying for an MBA. We met in church. he was new to our church. unexpected to everyone he chose yo pursue me. i was an over 30 almost 40 overweight frumpy woman. he was a just over 30 lean incredibly dressed man. the romance lasted a year. we married in 2011 under our pastors blessing. following the wedding the hell started. initially he refused to sleep with me. a few months later he began to shout at me wanting his immigration papers to be paid for. there was always shouting. eventually he began sleeping with me but was strangely shocked when i told him i was pregnant. our daughter was born 2012. he trated me like a dog. my mother came to visit but in 20days she died having fallen ill. his mother came and the shouting went up a notch and mother in law never seemed bothered. it was hell for me. every year he threatened divorce but never did it. our second daughter born 2014. he did not even show up for her birth. he shouted and shouted virtually emptionally abusing me with insults. we were evicted from our last flat in 2014 due to shouting. police once arrived due to disturbance of peace. ive been under so much stress. in november after our eviction he planned a place for him to stay with his friends but nothing for me and kids. i had to ssk my friend who took us in. it was so horrfic. i wanted out of the marriage and made plans to get my own place. but he and my pastors begged for reconciliation. i agreed to find a new place with him january 2015. now six months later he has been so nasty and now wants out of theatriage. i suspect he has had affairs as well. he got his first spousal visa 2011. in 2013 he applied again and got a visa that should expire this year. he told me that they should have gIven him ILR but didnt because according to my husband he filled the wrong form. I find it strange that my husband has abruptly ended the marriage at a time that he should be renewing his visa. he said to me he doesnt need me he will use his children to stay in the country. he was very insulting to me. I dont remember ever filling any forms for his visas. the other day he attacked me with shouts for not having renewed my passport which expired august last year. he also shouted at me for not having gotten passports for the children. i was surprised as we have no journeys planned. he went on about me being stupid -that the passport is for the childrens identity. i told him that they have birth certificates. surprisingly that calmed him down. I am very disillusioned. My self esteem has been broken by this man. i loved him but he abused me. what do you think? does he just want ILR and not me? What do i do?

[chriskv1]

Write to the home office about this. This was deception and you have to report this. Whether he will be deported / not is another question but he abused a good lady's trust.

[Casa]

It's very difficult to prove deception, even more so after having two children together. However, it seems that you have a suspicion that he forged your signature on his previous application to extend his stay. You can contact the Home Office and report this and you can also refuse to support his application for ILR. He is correct that he can apply under the family route to extend his visa due to having children in the UK but this is likely to be a lengthy process to achieve permanent settlement. He is obviously anxious to prove that your children are British, hence the concern about passports. You deserve a life better than this.

[SoHopeful]

Please report him to police and immigration - he is a horrible, abusive individual and you need to start over without him. I don't know where in the UK you are but please make contact with a domestic violence agency in your area for support legally and emotionally.

[Casa]

I suggest you contact the charity Southall Black Sisters who offer help and advice for situations such as yours. Domestic violence doesn't have to be physical, it can also be psychological abuse.
http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/

[noajthan]

Good morning

I write this with a very heavy heart.

...

My self esteem has been broken by this man. i loved him but he abused me. what do you think? does he just want ILR and not me? What do i do?

dhimwa,
A very touching and saddening story.

I am not a Christian but I am a human and I wish you all the best; I really hope you find the strength and a way to rebuild and move on.

And I agree with the other posters, you must reach out to groups and support networks who are there to help.

[Obie]

I am deeply disheartened to hear your story.

There are always 2 side to every story, but if he indeed treated you this way, It make me feel profoundly appalled.

You might have met this guy at church and he may be a church goer, but I have difficulty in accepting he is a christian..

However good looking a person is or smartly dressed they are, does not give them the passport to ill treat others.

You deserve to be loved and treated respectfully as a lady, and if he failed to do so, then I strongly believe that he is the problem than you.

I believe you deserve better than a compromise situation with him..

I believe it is utterly unacceptable for him to threaten you with divorce. You can do a lot without him.

I believe you may have lost a lot of self confidence as a result of your ordeal , but please remind yourself that you deserve better than than, and you are worthy of respect and true love.

I wish you all the best and I hope he is not allowed to cause you any more hurt or pain.