help! i am going nuts; nameless fears abt entry clearance

there are 4 things bugging me, driving me nuts with nameless fears...any help would be appreciated...

my husband (a british citizen) and i (non-eu national) live in an EEA country. he works there and i came to live with him after marriage (i am his dependent and not working). his contract is gonna expire in some months' time. and we need to get a visa for me (either settlement visa or another EEA family permit) so that we can go live in UK once his contract is up. i had gotten EEA family permit to UK twice b4 without a prob. however, that was b4 i went v. stupid and lied in a US immigrant visa petition, filed for me by my mother, a US citizen.

okay...first the things in my favor...for my uk visa application....my husband is a british citizen working in an eea country currently. he is a posted worker, who is still paying uk ni at the moment. he had evidence of having started looking for jobs in uk...though no job offer in uk yet...his parents offered to let us stay with them free of charge indefinitely. we have around 8-9k pounds in savings..and would have around 14k pounds by the time we finish moving there, that is, after he finish the contract here. we have been living together in this eea country for around 2 and 1/2 years since after marriage. marriage was genuine with his parents, best friend couple witnessing the ceremony.

what happened with my lies on us immigrant visa petition:
my mother, a us citizen, applied for US visa for me some time back. i was unmarried then. then i got married. my petition was approved without changing my marital status (with me still as single) and also didnt diclose that i lived in a country for a time. it's a long story but basically she wanted me to lie abt my marital status (as single) and removed any link to the fact that i had lived and married in another country (that is the country i was in b4 i came to this eea country). perhaps, it was under trying circumstances since she blackmailed me into lying, with threats and all, 'cos she was severely depressed after her mother's death and she felt she couldnt allow to prolong the long wait more by switching me into married category (though it was only for 2 years' difference!). but i am not avoiding my responsibility. i was so stupid that i still cant believe what i did. i bowed down to her pressure and lied. it's all my fault. i took full responsibility for it when it came to light that i lied so blatantly at the visa interview. i was issued with a general denial, asking for more info on some trivial things. but it was pretty clear that i was facing 'misrepresentation' charges and a probably life ban from the US.

i apologized for my lies sincerely to the embassy afterwards and then my mother and i had a fall out. she panicked and feared for repercussions for herself; she simply forgot all her promises. i was very heartbroken over this, her flinching once the trouble started. and to think that she made me do it with threats and promises. anyway, i told her to do what she thought was right in her heart and she requested for a withdrawal, hoping that it would stop the arrow from turning towards her. they didnt respond to her request for withdrawal.

now i have to answer some awkward qns on my uk visa application. 'have you ever been denied a visa by another country b4?' i would say yes..and try to explain why i did what i did...but would uk embassy believe it even when i am now telling the truth? i worry that they may not believe me since i have lied so blatantly (for something so stupid) to another country's immigration officers. any suggestion?

3 things from the past:
there are also some uncomfortable stuffs from my past, starting to haunt me.

i came from a dysfunctional family with a crazy parent. took over the role of taking care of my siblings. did volunteer work some time back...should i mention all these things too, since i have to mention all the uncomfortable (bad) things i had done too?

- in the country that i was in b4 i came to this eea country that i am currently residing in, I was once arrested (but not formally charged, i think, but I were indeed charged, it would be something like 'criminal intimidation'...qurrel in the family...and i am quite sure that it was dropped, that is, if i were formally charged at all). sorry, my memory is so foggy because it happened when I was 16 or 17 (maybe over 16 but not 17 yet). I do not remember having been fingerprinted or went to court or something for that. I was just given a warning (can't remember if it was on paper or verbal 'warning').

- at another time (after 21), in the same country b4 this eea country, I was arrested and charged with 'attempted suicide'. I was finger-printed and charged in court but the charge were later dropped and I was given a 'warning'. cant remember if the warning was on paper or verbal.

- on another unrelated occasion, again the same country b4 this eea country, I was told by somebody, that I had a dispute over something, that some police report would be filed against me, etc...I have heard nothing from the person or anybody else since even though they know how to reach me. but i wonder...

i think, but not sure, that dropped/withdrawn charges would not show up as 'convictions' in police clearance and/or police certificate for having no criminal conviction. but i have never gotten one and i am dying to confirm that the two times that i was arrested (while not being charged and/or charge being dropped..and given a warning each time) does not affect police clearance. frankly, i am also scared to find out if it would show up on that police clearance paper....btw, is it necessary for one currently residing and applying from another eu country to provide such police clearance for other countries that one has lived b4 residing in that eu country?

i am also wondering if the one i had a dispute with had already filed police report against me...and how the whole thing is going...so far i havent been contacted by anybody but what if there is an unknown warrant of arrest or something horrible like that lurking around w/o me knowing abt it? and then it could affect during the uk visa application...

and i dont know if i should apply for settlement visa straightaway or apply for family permit...i was thinking of applying for settlment visa first (the harder one first)..and once rejected, apply for appeal..while applying for eea family permit...i would like to have settlement visa 'cos it's faster to get the passport. my husband doesnt like uk v. much and once i get the pp, we would be free to find work elsewhere.

any advice would be v much appreciated. i swing from thinking of doing one thing to another, unable to make decision...in the mean time, we have to apply for it 'cos the ending of my husband's contract is approaching...

what should i do? where should i start? i have tried talking to lawyers...different lawyers say different things...i have heard of many scare stories and am afraid to put all my trust in them....but my confidence in myself has been severely shaken after the stupid things i did...you, those who may have gone thru the same process b4, are my only hope...do help....thanks!