The law is clear about this, however many governments, specifically the UK and Ireland, choose to ignore their obligations.
The law that applies here is directive
2004/38/EC.
This law only applies when you live in a country that is not your country of origin.
### ### ###
Article 3 // Section 1
This Directive shall apply to all Union citizens who move
to or reside in a Member State other than that of which they
are a national, and to their family members as defined in point
2 of Article 2 who accompany or join them.
### ### ###
As your wife has a Dutch residence-permit, and you are British, the law applies. (no need to mention you don't live in the Netherlands anymore)
This Section should provide for entry into all countries of the Union, including Ireland:
### ### ###
Article 5 // Section 2
Family members who are not nationals of a Member State
shall only be required to have an entry visa in accordance with
Regulation (EC) No 539/2001 or, where appropriate, with
national law.
For the purposes of this Directive, possession of
the valid residence card referred to in Article 10 shall exempt
such family members from the visa requirement.
### ### ###
Thus, as the partner of a British citizen with a Dutch residence permit, you should be granted entry everywhere in the Union, without Visa.
Ireland does not easily recognise this, but after a little discussion it should be possible for you to enter.
Carry both passports, the marriage certificate, and a copy of the law, to make it easier for you.
Good luck.
