Can my parents cancel my ILR because I want to marry my bf?

Salma123 · Post by **Salma123** » Thu May 30, 2013 1:12 pm

I was dependant of my father who was on work permit. We all got our ILRs last year. Now I want to marry the man I love but my parents do not agree on this. They have taken all my documents from me including my passport, ILR BRP, my identity card and everything. They have even beaten me as well but they will never be able to change my mind. Finally they threatened to cancel my ILR as I was his dependant and to send me back to my home country. They have also threatened that thet will complain against my boy friend in the home office as my bf is still on work visa.
My question is, is it possible for them to cancel my ILR and then create problems for my bf? Is it also possible to get married without passport as neither do I nor my bf need the passport?
I will really appreciate any help in this regard.

Lucapooka · Post by **Lucapooka** » Thu May 30, 2013 1:21 pm

They can't do this; your status is secure. Tell them they have now settled in a civilized democracy and should abide by the laws and culture of that country, or perhaps they should consider returning to where they may be more comfortable with the local laws and culture.

Salma123 · Post by **Salma123** » Thu May 30, 2013 1:38 pm

Thanks Lucapooka. That was a great relief from all this stress. Thanks a lot.

makky86 · Post by **makky86** » Thu May 30, 2013 3:15 pm

Salma123 wrote:I was dependant of my father who was on work permit. We all got our ILRs last year. Now I want to marry the man I love but my parents do not agree on this. They have taken all my documents from me including my passport, ILR BRP, my identity card and everything. They have even beaten me as well but they will never be able to change my mind. Finally they threatened to cancel my ILR as I was his dependant and to send me back to my home country. They have also threatened that thet will complain against my boy friend in the home office as my bf is still on work visa.
My question is, is it possible for them to cancel my ILR and then create problems for my bf? Is it also possible to get married without passport as neither do I nor my bf need the passport?
I will really appreciate any help in this regard.

They can't do anything to your passport. You should report to this Police. Even though its entirely up to you to get married to whomever you want but its always good thing to listen to parents too.

Casa · Post by **Casa** » Thu May 30, 2013 3:18 pm

Under British law, it's actually illegal to withhold another person's passport, even though they're family. The police will intervene on your behalf if you report this to them. Perhaps you should warn your parents and hopefully they may return your passport before the police arrive on their doorstep.

deleted_user · Post by **deleted_user** » Thu May 30, 2013 3:28 pm

I was dependant of my father who was on work permit. We all got our ILRs last year. Now I want to marry the man I love but my parents do not agree on this.

It seems your parents will take time to understand that they are in a completely different society and culture now. They haven't settled in and accepted this and their moral compass is out of tune with this country/culture. What appears ok and proper to you, appears totally incorrect to them. And some of their concerns may even be genuine, though their way of expressing them, by threatening you, is not.

However if you met your bf in the UK, consider the fact that you met him because they brought you here. So you both owe your meeting to them.

Before you break out into an all out rebellion, consider giving the situation time to settle down. With family, a diplomatic solution is always better. Try to get someone else in the family on your side and to assure them on your behalf.

My 2 cents.

Casa · Post by **Casa** » Thu May 30, 2013 3:35 pm

Physically beating a person into submission should never be acceptable.

deleted_user · Post by **deleted_user** » Thu May 30, 2013 3:42 pm

Physically beating a person into submission should never be acceptable.

True, but depending on where you originate from, it may be acceptable in your culture and her parents may not know any better.

Without knowing the details, IMHO, a slap on someone cheek hurts their pride, but emotional scars of a torn family are far deeper and take much longer to heal.

Casa · Post by **Casa** » Thu May 30, 2013 4:03 pm

It depends if you're the person being beaten...and we may not be talking about just 'a slap on the cheek'. Domestic violence is a criminal act in the UK...and rightly so.

Kevin24 · Post by **Kevin24** » Thu May 30, 2013 4:48 pm

Casa wrote:It depends if you're the person being beaten...and we may not be talking about just 'a slap on the cheek'. Domestic violence is a criminal act in the UK...and rightly so.

Violence on any form is not acceptable. Whether Mental/Physical. Report to the Police. They will sort this out very quickly.

Salma123 · Post by **Salma123** » Thu May 30, 2013 5:07 pm

muhdkhokhar wrote:
They can't do anything to your passport. You should report to this Police. Even though its entirely up to you to get married to whomever you want but its always good thing to listen to parents too.

Do u think I should listen to them saying that my bf doesn't have his own house? After all how many of us own houses? Do u think its reasonable point?

Kevin24 · Post by **Kevin24** » Thu May 30, 2013 5:11 pm

Salma123 wrote:
muhdkhokhar wrote:
They can't do anything to your passport. You should report to this Police. Even though its entirely up to you to get married to whomever you want but its always good thing to listen to parents too.

Do u think I should listen to them saying that my bf doesn't have his own house? After all how many of us own houses? Do u think its reasonable point?

Why a change of Heart? Are you going to Marry your BF or his House? If you are in doubt,sine I do not know all the details. Godd if you could listen to your parents because they know better. They will want you to have a good future not to suffer after marriage.

Salma123 · Post by **Salma123** » Thu May 30, 2013 5:18 pm

dimension7 wrote: And some of their concerns may even be genuine, though their way of expressing them, by threatening you, is not.

I don't think they have genuine concerns. They just want me to marry someone rich and I consider it too lame a reason.

dimension7 wrote:However if you met your bf in the UK, consider the fact that you met him because they brought you here. So you both owe your meeting to them.

That is exactly the reason my bf is not letting me run away without my parents' permission and report everything to police as it will bring disgrace to my family. My parents also dont understand that I can't have this patience forever.

dimension7 wrote:Before you break out into an all out rebellion, consider giving the situation time to settle down. With family, a diplomatic solution is always better. Try to get someone else in the family on your side and to assure them on your behalf.

I have tried everything but they would never change their mind. They keep threatening me.

Salma123 · Post by **Salma123** » Thu May 30, 2013 5:26 pm

Kevin24 wrote: Why a change of Heart? Are you going to Marry your BF or his House?

sorry i think i didnt clarify myself properly. i dont care if he owns a house or not. he is well qualified and is working professional. still i dont care about anything but the fact that i love him and him only.

Kevin24 wrote: If you are in doubt,sine I do not know all the details. Godd if you could listen to your parents because they know better. They will want you to have a good future not to suffer after marriage.

I cannot share the whole facts here for you to believe that they are more concerned about their own economic benefit than my future.

Kevin24 · Post by **Kevin24** » Thu May 30, 2013 5:29 pm

Salma123 wrote:
dimension7 wrote: And some of their concerns may even be genuine, though their way of expressing them, by threatening you, is not.
I don't think they have genuine concerns. They just want me to marry someone rich and I consider it too lame a reason.

dimension7 wrote:However if you met your bf in the UK, consider the fact that you met him because they brought you here. So you both owe your meeting to them.
That is exactly the reason my bf is not letting me run away without my parents' permission and report everything to police as it will bring disgrace to my family. My parents also dont understand that I can't have this patience forever.

dimension7 wrote:Before you break out into an all out rebellion, consider giving the situation time to settle down. With family, a diplomatic solution is always better. Try to get someone else in the family on your side and to assure them on your behalf.
I have tried everything but they would never change their mind. They keep threatening me.

Get some closer to your parents to talk to them and explain the situation. Please don't run away. It will add to the existing problems.If you are going to go ahead with out any second thought then go ahead. But think care fully.Consider the Pros and Cons of marrying your BF. You must always remeber that you will always have your family to lean on for support.So try to work it out with out hurting your parents.

santoshganpath · Post by **santoshganpath** » Thu May 30, 2013 6:12 pm

That's completely wrong on their (parents) part. They cannot hold your documents and threaten you. As advised by many, contact the police, I am sure they will sort this out quickly.

Amber · Post by **Amber** » Thu May 30, 2013 6:22 pm

Salma123 wrote:I was dependant of my father who was on work permit. We all got our ILRs last year. Now I want to marry the man I love but my parents do not agree on this. They have taken all my documents from me including my passport, ILR BRP, my identity card and everything. They have even beaten me as well but they will never be able to change my mind. Finally they threatened to cancel my ILR as I was his dependant and to send me back to my home country. They have also threatened that thet will complain against my boy friend in the home office as my bf is still on work visa.
My question is, is it possible for them to cancel my ILR and then create problems for my bf? Is it also possible to get married without passport as neither do I nor my bf need the passport?
I will really appreciate any help in this regard.

This sounds like it could be an honour based issue and I suggest to visit - http://safe.met.police.uk/crimes_of_hon ... dvice.html

Salma123 · Post by **Salma123** » Thu May 30, 2013 6:32 pm

Thanks Lucapooka, Muhdkhokhar, Casa, Kevin, Dimension7, Santoshganpath and D4109125. I really appreciate your help.

sheraz7 · Post by **sheraz7** » Thu May 30, 2013 7:03 pm

At first simply tell your parents that on these grounds ILR and work permit can never be cancelled and ask for the return of documents. You can also involve some of your family relative/friend who favor you to speak your parents. If still the same problem then legal options can be adopted.

PaperPusher · Post by **PaperPusher** » Thu May 30, 2013 7:26 pm

Karma Nirvana wrote:Do you fear you may bring SHAME on your family, or take away their izzat?

Karma Nirvana is a project run for men and women who are struggling with issues around honour and forced marriage within their families and communities.

When you call our help line – 0800 5999 247 – we listen to you in complete confidence. Which means we don’t talk to your family, friends, or anyone else. It doesn’t matter if you’re 13 or 30, male or female. Whatever your age and whatever your circumstances, our loyalty is to you. One hundred per cent.

Our caseworkers will be a listening ear and a source of practical support - if you need it. If you are being forced or pressurised into a marriage, there might be a risk to your personal safety, in which case our team can assist in re-locating you to safe and temporary accommodation. When you get there, you will have time to decide what to do next and think through your options. The KN team will connect you to the right agencies and guide you through the process, over the phone. If you’re facing a forced marriage, you might still be at home or maybe you’ve already left. Either way, our team can help.

Nobody will know that you’ve called us – they certainly won’t hear it from us. We’re discreet. We’re supportive. And we’re on YOUR side.

Are you a victim of domestic violence? Female genital mutilation? Sexual abuse? Whatever the nature of your issue, we deal with the full spectrum of honour abuse every day.

http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/victims.html

Your parents cannot cancel your ILR. You can also get replacement documents without your parents' agreement. YOU have ILR now in your own right.

Reporting your partner to UKBA would be futile. What would they say? Even if they make something up there has to be independent evidence for UKBA to act.

Please stay safe, that is what I am most concerned about. Elders or community members intervening on your behalf could make things worse. They may not support your choice anyway. Would your parents be angry that you had spoken outside the family?

UK law supports you having the choice of marriage partner. Your parents may have a view of who would be a suitable husband, but it is your choice.
There is support out there for you. I can understand if you don't want to contact the police, but domestic violence is a serious crime and if you need to ring 999.

I don't understand why parents do this because I have never seen any good come of it. Things they say and do cannot be undone, and they have no right to treat you this way.

Wishing you the best.

Tier 4 · Post by **Tier 4** » Thu May 30, 2013 11:59 pm

Well, this is an immigration forum not a family dispute one.

PaperPusher · Post by **PaperPusher** » Fri May 31, 2013 8:53 am

Tier 4 wrote:Well, this is an immigration forum not a family dispute one.

True. However, the original poster came here with an immigration question.

The original poster may be in danger and deserves to be pointed to where there is help available.

Domestic violence isn't a "family dispute" it is a serious crime with serious implications for the victim and society at large. I wish more people would recognise this.

sheraz7 · Post by **sheraz7** » Fri May 31, 2013 6:46 pm

Tier 4 wrote:Well, this is an immigration forum not a family dispute one.

The subject matter of that thread really represent immigration related query too that has been answered very generously by the members.

imdabs · Post by **imdabs** » Sat Jun 01, 2013 12:30 am

Do Agree with PaperPusher, Asking elders etc would only bring further problem. So would suggest try to talk directly with them with calm but certainty . And they must agree to your wish as long as your marriage is concerned and must immediately return your documents. else report the matter to authorities and next time they threaten or do use violence, please do use 999.... it is there for such cases.

And regarding your bf, i am not an expert but i would think that he would have one more way of getting visa once you marry him.. as your dependent

Also get help from the charity mentioned by Paperpusher or some other domestic violence related charity.

Wish you best of luck for your married life...

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Can my parents cancel my ILR because I want to marry my bf?

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