Does my case qualify for asylum?

[julian1972]

From the age of 5 or thereabouts I knew that I was different from other boys, I exhibited a bit of girly behaviours. From around the age of 13 (I am not exactly sure of the age that I was, but I was still in primary school then), a male member of my family began to have analogy intercourse with me. This continued for several years until I was around 19 years old.

I came to the UK in November 2004. I originally came as a visitor from Nigeria, I became unwell during my visit. I visited the hospital to do a HIV test, it came back positive. I was scared of what would happen to me if I returned to my country, I then overstayed. I had brief relationships with other men in the UK until I met a woman who is now my wife.

In February 2005 I started a relationship with an African woman who is now my wife. We met on a dating website for people living with HIV. We are both HIV positive. Her child is not HIV positive.

She had been married before back in Africa and when her husband died she moved to the UK with her only child in 2001. She renewed her visa a few times until 2002 when she claimed asylum.

I was not sure if I would get married to or live with a woman. I wanted to move in with my girlfriend (now my wife) and see how things get on, but my girlfriend was keen to get married. She is a traditional African woman who prefers to get married than to cohabit with a man she's not married to. Secondly she wanted to provide a stable home for her child where there's a mother and father. At a point, I paid a deposit for a flat where I had intended for us to move in, she did not want that, though she did not say it explicitly. As we did not move into the flat, I lost the deposit.

From the time I met her, I told her all about my illegal status in the UK, told her where I was working using a friend's passport. I was very naive to have done this and it would backfire on me later. Though I did not know about her own immigration status, I did not ask her and she did not talk about it.

I had been in a relationship with the African woman from 2005 and in early 2008 I visited her home to tell her that I wanted us to end the relationship. She was understandably upset, whilst there she went to buy some alcohol (she is a non-drinker) to drink as a way of dealing with the heart break. I comforted her the best way I could and when she fell asleep after drinking too much, I left her house and went home.

The following day, she called me and threatened to report me to my manager that the documents I was using to work is not my own, that she would get me deported because I had stepped on the wrong toe. She desperately wanted me to get married to her. I knew that if I got married to her as she had wanted, I would be able to keep my job and remain living in the UK. I paid the dowry (bride price) to her parents in her native country. I sent the money through someone who was visiting home at that time. We eventually got married in our church in September 2008 and began living together as a family. We had about 150 guests at our wedding. When we started living together was when I discovered that she had claimed asylum in 2002.

In May 2009, I foolishly brought a man home for sex whilst my wife was doing a night shift. A friend of mine who had just came from Africa and was being accommodated by us witnessed it and reported it to my wife. My wife confronted me and asked me if I was gay. I denied that I was gay. She knew that it had happened but I was not admitting it. I was very foolish to have done this, I take every responsibility for it. We went to see our pastor who spent hours counselling me. My wife reported this incident to my family member in Africa, I was very ashamed of myself. When he confronted me about it, I flatly denied it. My wife also told my brother about it when he visited us in the UK two years ago. I feel that I've let my family down. My family in Africa is deeply religious and being remotely gay is wholly unacceptable.

A year after our church wedding, she and her child were granted ILR. In April 2010, I put in an application under Article 8 of ECHR, it was refused in July 2010. In August 2010 we asked the Home Office to reconsider the refusal, at the same time we went to the registry to civilly register our marriage. After many correspondences between my solicitor and the Home Office, I was finally granted 2.5 years leave to remain in 2013 under Article 8. In June 2014, I switched into the 5-year route (partner of a settled person).

I am due to visit my country this November 2014 for my late father's memorial. I have been chatting on BBM messenger with a gay guy from my country. I had met him online. I planned to meet up with him when I get there. My wife stumbled upon the text messages, I could not live a lie anymore, I confessed to her that I was gay and told her everything about my gay lifestyle in the UK prior to meeting her. I have suppressed my gay feelings since I got married to my wife and resulted to secretly drinking alcohol as a way to help me deal with my feelings and depression.

We are both distraught, we've been together for close to 10 years, legally married for four years. She is a kind person and we've been through tough times together during our relationship. She has promised to assist me with my status in the UK until I get ILR. There's no plan to go for a divorce now, we are still living together and plan to go through counselling in the coming weeks. I met her child when he was 7 years old, he is now approaching 17 years. I am the only father he has ever known as his biological father died when he was one year old.

In 2013, Nigeria passed a law prohibiting gay relationships, associating with anyone that is gay. So going back to Nigeria is not an option. It would be best to die in the UK than to return to my country.

My heart bleeds for my wife, she's in tears and inconsolable. She has been blaming herself for forcing me to marry her in 2008 when I had initially tried to end the relationship. I don't know what to do to be honest.

Should my wife later decides not to help me get my status in the UK, are there grounds for asylum for me in the UK on the basis of being gay?

[Obie]

You should have applied using FLR(O) and after the next 3 years, apply for ILR under SET(O), it was wrong for you to have applied under Appendix FM, as this could result in you having to wait for a further 2 years before qualifying for ILR.

I am not surprised that your wife is distraught by your action. I would have been shocked if she was not.

[Wanderer]

You should have applied using FLR(O) and after the next 3 years, apply for ILR under SET(O), it was wrong for you to have applied under Appendix FM, as this could result in you having to wait for a further 2 years before qualifying for ILR.

I am not surprised that your wife is distraught by your action. I would have been shocked if she was not.

Does this bit cause issues?

"....told her where I was working using a friend's passport."

ie fraud/identity theft?

[Obie]

Well fortunately for me, i am not giving moral, but immigration advise.

The DLR was not fraudulent means. As far as i am concerned , i am content with that.

[julian1972]

I wouldn't say it was fraud to have used a friend's passport to work, he willingly allowed me to use it to work and I stopped using it in 2009 and my Article 8 applicantion was made in 2010, that was after I had stopped working.

I spent 5,000 pounds on solicitors fee doing the DLR application and it took 3 years to be granted. I made the Appendix FM application and it took only 5 weeks to be granted.

I've shared my secret life with my wife, she is distraught but very supportive. Am really amazed by her reaction. She's one in a million. My fear was that she was going to reject me and throw me out and this was always my fear, but she has not done that.

We've gone through hell in the close to 10 years we've been together and she would not want to see me go. She has said we should remain as a family and work through this mess that I brought upon ourselves.

This is the only family I've in the UK, no one else and dying would be better than to those them.

[Obie]

it is a shame that a solicitor you paid 5k, asked you to apply under appendix FM, rather than a further 3 year DLR, and after which ILR. Now, you will need to do a further FLR(M) application before ILR . Shocking.

Hope things work.

[Wanderer]

I wouldn't say it was fraud to have used a friend's passport to work, he willingly allowed me to use it to work and I stopped using it in 2009 and my Article 8 applicantion was made in 2010, that was after I had stopped working.

I spent 5,000 pounds on solicitors fee doing the DLR application and it took 3 years to be granted. I made the Appendix FM application and it took only 5 weeks to be granted.

I've shared my secret life with my wife, she is distraught but very supportive. Am really amazed by her reaction. She's one in a million. My fear was that she was going to reject me and throw me out and this was always my fear, but she has not done that.

We've gone through hell in the close to 10 years we've been together and she would not want to see me go. She has said we should remain as a family and work through this mess that I brought upon ourselves.

This is the only family I've in the UK, no one else and dying would be better than to those them.

Of course it's fraud, there's no two ways. Good luck anyway seriously but you need to be realistic. You seem like a genuine guy but at the end of the day, you do need to make sure all aspects are covered because they may bite you back...

Just my two Pence....

[julian1972]

The 5,000 pounds paid was the overall charges for handling the Article 8 application. Remember that it took three years to resolve and I had to pay for every letter that was written to the Home Office. At a point also a Zambrano application was attempted in 2011 and this was refused because the Home a Office argued that I shared the responsibility of caring for our son with my wife, in other words, I do not have sole responsibility of our son.

As I thought the Appendix FM fairly straightforward after having granted 2.5 years leave to remain under Article 8, I decided to make the Appendix FM application myself.

I did not know that there was a shorter route to ILR other than through Appendix FM. But that's ok, it's still better than waiting for 10 years before qualifying for ILR.

Thanks a lot for the insightful comments. I wish I had known that earlier.

[julian1972]

My wife and I are still having problems after I came out as gay to her in October 2014. My visa is still valid till end of 2016, it was granted on the basis of our marriage. We've been married legally going to 5 years. We've been together for 10 years.

What are the chances of succeeding if I claim asylum? In my country, being gay, associating with anyone who is gay, or knowing someone who is gay and don't report it leads to 14 years imprisonment.

[Wanderer]

My wife and I are still having problems after I came out as gay to her in October 2014. My visa is still valid till end of 2016, it was granted on the basis of our marriage. We've been married legally going to 5 years. We've been together for 10 years.

What are the chances of succeeding if I claim asylum? In my country, being gay, associating with anyone who is gay, or knowing someone who is gay and don't report it leads to 14 years imprisonment.

Why not hide being gay back home like you did with your wife?

[julian1972]

Do you really expect me to answer you that question?