Urgent Help Needed-EEA spouse cheated

[platinumpiggy]

HI All.
I used all of your help on here when I was engaged- I have since then forgotten my log in details grr so have had to create a new account.

I need some help as to where I stand legally with this situation.
So I am South African woman married to an Irish national in November 2009 and currently living in the UK on an EEA Family Permit.
The a**hole decided to cheat on me about 6 or 7 times, broke my heart and after numerous attempts of trying to save the marriage I told him to move out. We subsequently separated in January 2011 and have not been living together ever since.
He has been threatening me left right and centre with divorce but has yet to initiate any divorce proceedings. He needs grounds for divorce first off which he has none (anyway that is a different legal issue all together) and he owes me about £6000. He has left me in so much debt. We have a joint account too.
I know he has emailed the home office saying we are separated and in the process of getting divorced and has not got a response from them this was in May and he posted off a letter last week to them. (i know this as a mutual friend told me)
What are my legal rights staying in the UK? We are not divorced yet and I do not think any divorce proceedings have been initiated as yet he just keeps threatening it.
I need to pay off all the debt before leaving the UK. I have evidence of his cheating from pictures to emails etc. I cannot leave this country with debt in my name so as soon as it's paid off I am out of here. He has refused to pay me anything back too.
Also I was issued a Schengen visa after we separated which I travelled to and from Paris fine without him. Should I worry about border control stopping me and questioning me at all as I am due to travel again at the end of August.
All I want to know is that as long as we are married am I allowed to be in the UK even if we are separated? As long as no divorce has been initiated I still retain my right of residence here? What are my rights?

Thank you so much for your help-any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Ken G]

Sorry to hear about your problems. Legally as long as you are legally married, you will have no restrictions in staying in UK. As for border control, all they need to know is that your husband is in UK and is exercising treaty rights. As he is Irish citizen he may have different rules applied to him/your situation. Other senior members on this forum will guide you. In the interim, see below from UKBA website:

If you were related to an EEA national by marriage or civil partnership but the relationship has ended through death, divorce, dissolution or the EEA national's departure from the UK, it is possible that you will retain a right of residence in the UK under European law. For more information, phone our European enquiries contact centre and speak to one of our advisers.

If you were the unmarried partner of an EEA national and the relationship has ended, you no longer have the right to live in the UK under European law.

[Kitty]

You can retain a right of residence after divorce if you were married for at least 3 years, and you spent at least one year in the UK. In order to retain residence in this way you normally need to be working, self-employed or self-sufficient.

You are still allowed to be here as your husband's family member before the divorce is final, as long as he is also in the country, exercising treaty rights.

How long have you lived in the UK with your husband?

Are you still in touch with him? Is he likely to be co-operative if you need evidence that he is exercising treaty rights?

Do you have any children?

[Qman]

You can also have a read of Article 13 of the EU Directive which covers divorce. I haven't given it a thorough read, but I think it says if you have been married for three years with at least one in the UK (host country) then you retain your rights. Don't know if you have to be working too.

Good luck

[John]

For retained rights to apply divorce proceedings must not be commenced before the 3rd wedding anniversary, alternatively there must have been domestic violence.

[platinumpiggy]

thanks for your replies everyone.
We had been married for 1year and 2 months before we separated. he is self employed but exercising his treaty rights.
no he is not being co-operative so who knows what he'll do.
I am not bothered about retaining residency after we're divorced I just want to get away from him. If I wasn't in all this debt because of him I'd move back to SA.
All I am worried about is my right of residence right now whilst we're separated. I know he has sent a letter to the home office saying he wants me removed from this country as we are separated. Surely they would need proof of divorce? He is just bitter and in shock that I ended things after he cheated and trying to get back at me.
Also if I did have to go back to SA and have all this debt in my name what would happen?? I couldn't possibly leave without paying it off

[platinumpiggy]

if circumstances were different and I had zero debt here and he owed me nothing I would happily sign those divorce papers to go back to SA. I cannot let him get away with this though. I supported him, paid for him to study, paid for holidays and everything and he cheated on me and never thought I would leave him because he probably thought I relied on him to stay here. He was the love of my life, cannot believe he has treated me like this!!!!!!!!!

[bobobo]

I am sure we all understand and sympathise with your situation. Unfortunately legally this will not be of any help. As long as you guys are not divorced you are married (even if seperated). The best thing would be for you to let him initiate divorce proceedings and you raise the issue of the debt he has left you with, If this is a contested divorce it will take time, but the Courts in the UK will make sure that you get your dues settled or absolve you of any money owed to third parties in both your names. You have anothing to worry about as such, just make sure you have ample proof to implicate him of this.

Until you are not divorced legally even the HO cant remove you or take action against you. The only time they can take action if they find out that prior to completing 3 years the EEA national has left UK and gone and you are still residing here. So his sending letters to the HO will be of no use as such.

The Guru's might correct me if I am wrong. But I feel this is the best course of action available.

[nonspecifics]

Sorry to hear of all the problems.

Unfortunately, the infidelity and the debts caused by your spouse and the immigration situation are three separate problems for you.

The Govt don't care why you separated or who is to blame. If you expect the UK Govt to be against moral and financial corruption, then you have missed all the news headlines for years.

Mostly, the divorce courts don't care either. The law in the UK has little or nothing to do with morality and decency. The law is the law, it's not about justice. It's a business.

If you willingly gave your husband money, then I don't see how he can be made to pay any of it back, even if you only gave him the money cos you thought you could trust him. Probably, Only if he did something like forge your signature on loan forms would you have any form of redress.

But if you have serious debt problems, I recommend you contact Citizens Advice Bureau to advise you on that, as I am not a legal or debt expert. If you have creditors chasing you for unpaid debts, that should be your priority for now.

If your husband has filed for divorce you should receive a letter from a lawyer informing you of this. If you haven't received any letters from a lawyer or court then it could just be stories to upset you.

If you cannot talk to your spouse without fighting and arguing it is best not to talk till you are both able to control the anger and resentment. Then only deal with the present and future to sort out the mess.

You cannot change the past. If your relationship is dead, nothing can be gained by raking over the ashes of the past and arguing about who is the guilty party. When you do that, it only brings back the hurt and leads to some people doing more things to cause more hurt out of spite.

It would help if you could get his co-operation. As explained you need to be married three years - before either party files for divorce - for retention of residence ( unless you can prove violence). Thee EEA national would also need to be exercising Treaty Rights at the time of divorce.

You would also probably need to prove it was a genuine relationship. Be warned: The UKBA often twist everything like crooked lawyers; so to their accusing attitudes, the sexual infidelity becomes evidence it was not a genuine relationship. Your financial support is evidence that he only married you cos you paid him.

If you tell UKBA that you provided all the financial support while he studied, they will again probably try to use that against you, saying the student is the one that is supposed to be financially self-sufficient, not totally financially dependent on the non-EEA national.

Perhaps the best solution is to make a peace deal with your spouse. You remain married and he supplies the evidence to prove exercising Treaty Rights, so you can remain in the UK to earn and pay off the debts. In return you write off his debts and the past hurts, cos it's your future that matters most.

[platinumpiggy]

Sorry to hear of all the problems.

Unfortunately, the infidelity and the debts caused by your spouse and the immigration situation are three separate problems for you.

The Govt don't care why you separated or who is to blame. If you expect the UK Govt to be against moral and financial corruption, then you have missed all the news headlines for years.

Mostly, the divorce courts don't care either. The law in the UK has little or nothing to do with morality and decency. The law is the law, it's not about justice. It's a business.

If you willingly gave your husband money, then I don't see how he can be made to pay any of it back, even if you only gave him the money cos you thought you could trust him. Probably, Only if he did something like forge your signature on loan forms would you have any form of redress.

But if you have serious debt problems, I recommend you contact Citizens Advice Bureau to advise you on that, as I am not a legal or debt expert. If you have creditors chasing you for unpaid debts, that should be your priority for now.

If your husband has filed for divorce you should receive a letter from a lawyer informing you of this. If you haven't received any letters from a lawyer or court then it could just be stories to upset you.

If you cannot talk to your spouse without fighting and arguing it is best not to talk till you are both able to control the anger and resentment. Then only deal with the present and future to sort out the mess.

You cannot change the past. If your relationship is dead, nothing can be gained by raking over the ashes of the past and arguing about who is the guilty party. When you do that, it only brings back the hurt and leads to some people doing more things to cause more hurt out of spite.

It would help if you could get his co-operation. As explained you need to be married three years - before either party files for divorce - for retention of residence ( unless you can prove violence). Thee EEA national would also need to be exercising Treaty Rights at the time of divorce.

You would also probably need to prove it was a genuine relationship. Be warned: The UKBA often twist everything like crooked lawyers; so to their accusing attitudes, the sexual infidelity becomes evidence it was not a genuine relationship. Your financial support is evidence that he only married you cos you paid him.

If you tell UKBA that you provided all the financial support while he studied, they will again probably try to use that against you, saying the student is the one that is supposed to be financially self-sufficient, not totally financially dependent on the non-EEA national.

Perhaps the best solution is to make a peace deal with your spouse. You remain married and he supplies the evidence to prove exercising Treaty Rights, so you can remain in the UK to earn and pay off the debts. In return you write off his debts and the past hurts, cos it's your future that matters most.

nonspecifics- thank you for your advice, much appreciated and it's honest which is very refreshing.
he has not paid me anything back for 6 months. the agreement was for him to pay me the loan repayments every month. he was being co-operative at first but we no longer talk. I guess all I can do is wait until I get anything through in writing from lawyers.
with regards to the citizens advice bureau. how can they help if I am struggling with debt??

[nonspecifics]

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/you ... _debts.htm

That's a link to the citizens advice bureau with advice about how to manage your debts.

They can also advise and speak to creditors and try arrange more affordable re-payment terms if you owe money to businesses and they are threatening court action etc.

They can explain on your behalf that you are struggling to pay, but will pay eventually, so you get time to clear the debts slowly but surely.

Sometimes that can ease a lot of the pressure from someone in debt.

Often, even though you tell companies the same thing, they won't listen, but if it comes through another official organisation like the CAB they will listen to them and give you time to pay.

Try to keep in touch with your husband, along the lines of: I don't want to fight or argue about the past or money anymore, I just want us to keep in touch. Life is too short to waste it fighting or arguing.

If you can get his co-operation to help with immigration matters then at least you have something.

[John]

Often, even though you tell companies the same thing, they won't listen

Indeed, but one thing that might help is to write to them, a Recorded Delivery letter, and to head the letter "Section 40, Administration of Justice Act 1970".

An explanation of that section of that Act is given by this webpage, where you will see that a criminal offence is committed if harassment happens.

So by quoting that section and Act you will make the company aware that you know of this law. Go on to say, as appropriate, for example, do not telephone again, and if you wish to make contact do so by means of a letter sent through the postal system.