Re: Divorcing first wife due to infidelity

[Obie]

You have to take responsibility and stop saying I am a man and these things happen. The effect of your action will not only devastate your wife's life but also the guy whose wife you slept with.

In all probability this woman will have to return to Pakistan, and it will take several month for her to return, provided her husband will give her a divorce quick enough.

How do you guarantee the lady will not do the same thing you did to her husband,to you again.

[Obie]

By the way,

Do you have a child with your wife, or shall i say your estranged wife?

Did your acquire all these possession during or after your marriage?

Has the UKBA curtailed the visa of the lady with whom you had the affair?

Did this lady have a child with the guy?

[Obie]

I am really lost. So it was the woman's fault then. She forced you into bed under duress and you had no say in the matter.

However bad her husband was, she choose to marry him and made a lifelong commitment to him.

[Obie]

Boy you cannot extinguish this woman from your life easily.

You have a child together, she may not want to give you a clean break, and i see no reason why she should.

The court will not be relaxed with the idea of granting you a divorce without proper arrangement being made for the child.

I will simply add that there are 3 causalities in this relationship, that is of course if you and this lady consider yourself a winner and a beneficiary.

Why the hell did you get married if you felt you were not ready for it?

I assume you are a muslim man, and if you like many women, you should have had a discussion with your wife as to whether she is cool with the idea of you marrying other women.

[Obie]

Plus, my wife has been lazy, she's not even integrated into the community always at home watching TV serials, and spending my money. I encouraged her to get a job even set interviews up for her from my contacts but she wasn't have any of it. She thought working was a mans duty. Basically, she wanted it easy. Now she want's money and a house to have it easy.

I see, so the laziness caused you to have the affair, i understand. I am sure you must have agreed to the housewife thing. I am sure she would have cooked, washed your cloths and take care of your child whiles she was home. Except you had a nanny and house help of course.

Sorry if i sounded harsh. It because i felt the situation seems really messy.

You can divorce, you can remarry, that is your right protected by law, you may even get a more favourable deal if matter are resolved by the court, i am sure she will not have the appetite for a long process.

I believe you can get married and the rest, but I am not impressed with the circumstances.

[Obie]

I am of the view that this woman did not marry you because of your so called money.

You really hurt her and she has set out to punish you, to ensure your life will be as destroyed as you have destroyed her.

Comparing your wife's figure to this other woman, and i am sure you must have told her, or say it to someone who told her.

It is hardly surprising she is so furious, after giving seven years of her life and a son to you.

You are better placed to move on with your life. With a child and a broken marriage, the situation will be more difficult for her.

[Obie]

That is good in some respect, but you don't seem to be in love with this woman, and the other woman has had a broken marriage.

You are in love with this new lady. I am sure UKBA will curtail her visa along the way. She may have to return to Pakistan.

You have a lot of thinking to do. Your heart is not in this marriage.

Act honorably and tell your wife what you feel about the situation.

I wish you all the best Sammad.

[Obie]

I am a young guy like you. I can relate to you more than you can imagine. I believe you are entitled to enjoy your life but not at the expense of others.

I am sure you know you have done something wrong, so i need not dwell on it.

You have the potential to get a lot more from the divorce than you are prepared to offer, but don't thing you will come out of this a winner, especially in the moral sense.

Imagine your wife was your sister , or the other guy was your brother, or the lady was your sister, how would you have felt about it.

Sammad life is not always about money. There are many poor people who are much more happier than many rich people.

[Amber]

I've got no time for people who treat women as chattel. Believe you me, if you continue to mess around with people's wife's you'll end up 6 foot under! If you're not happy with someone do the honest thing and tell them.

[Obie]

I am sure he understands the consequences. It is one thing to have an affair, but to have one with a married woman who had been in the UK for only 2 years is not acceptable.

Whether or not the guy was a criminal, has served time for fraud, was not good in bed, he does not deserve it.

That guy could be so full of rage, that he could easily harm you without a second thought. Furthermore it was a neighbor's wife.

There are many women he could have got, who are free agent, but not that one.

You have advertently or inadvertently destroyed his life.

[Rayking]

The divorce can't take nothing less than a year or more and I can imagine the husband will do all he can to drag it on.
Tbh,I respect your honesty and equally find it appalling you could describe someone you slept with his wife in such a way,was that a justification or what?
Do the honourable thing if you don't love your wife again but pls,there's a better way to treat her than this,she's hurting and you don't seem to see ANY of it!
Being lazy isn't enough reason to be abusive to your wife or anyone whatsoever.
Honestly, things happen in this crazy world!
Should I be worried of my neighbor b4 my fiancee comes now or what,I work at night?

[Obie]

I find that response very distressing.

What you did was wrong. It cannot be justified.

[Obie]

I really do hope you sort this out.

Try not to allow money or wealth to give you false sense of entitlement to do whatever you like.

You don't seem like an arrogant person, but you reply to Ambers post gives me the impression that you think you are tough and can do whatever you like and that is wrong.

[Amber]

This thread is approaching a lock. You're rude and distasteful and have no respect for women, perhaps your Mother was promiscuous and that makes you think you have the right to act the same with other women? I pity your wife and any woman who encounters you.

On another note, I'd advise you got tested for STI/HIV as your wife doesn't deserve for you to infect her.

[Rayking]

Pls Amber don't lock his thread,we need to understand the mindset of this guy better. This is what a woman under immigration will be going through under the roof of some men but can't speak out to avoid the consequences. His old man was even appalled and he doesn't seem to get it.
@ sammad,your response if you were my neighbor,well what you've done isn't a crime anyway,but right b4 your eyes ALL you've got will vanish,I'll make sure you see women and run honestly, I won't threaten you of course. Look man,you can't know beyond your experience.
Solutions now,show remorse to your wife.forget about that woman,it's not love, it is lust. Be man enough and apologize to the guy.
Then run from that house,if that guy has nothing to lose,he can do anything beyond scratching your car.
And finally listen to what people are saying on here.Respect in your responses

[UKBA HUNTER]

Before this thread being locked i want to write little too. First of all keep in mind you are British not Pakistani, secondly remember money is perishable while honest relationship ever evolving & living, thirdly try to imagine the pain if same been caused to your own brother/sister if you have human heart. Death has no time and everyone goes under 6 foot (Amber term) empty pockets and only the good works of the person keep its soul & name alive while the money moves on.

[UKBA HUNTER]

If your woman truly love you then you should respect and love her. True love & relations are irreplaceable. If you observe even inside UK you will find a lot of rich people but living alone with dog/cat only with the hope of getting some company/love to fill their loneliness. If you get a good wife believe me its the best wealth, good wife and obedient children are the wonderful blessings of GOD.

[Obie]

Are you suggesting OP's girlfriend is also a British in mind.

She was clearly born and bred in Pakistani.

In fact she was the one that led the OP on. Her conduct is tantamount to seduction. She appeared to have pursued the OP in a provocative and suggestive manner, and him being weak appeared to have fallen for her.

It appears this lady was trapped in her relationship and used OP as an exit strategy.

These days, these things are not confine to particular culture any longer. We live in a very sexualised world, and the notion of one man and wife forever has ceased to exist.

These days some of the cases that I have to deal with involving eastern woman , have enforced my view that eastern woman are seeking more these days than previously.

If the OP is to be believed, the woman wanted the kind of sexual adventure that she was not getting from her husband, and only the OP appeared to offer her that.

So this lady is as much to blame as this irresponsible OP.

[UKBA HUNTER]

Once a person denounce his/her old nationality he/she is supposed to be pronounced with the latest nationality. Gradual harmonization with the same relevant community is far more responsible than the initial born & breeding means parents can't look after their kids all time.

[Casa]

This thread really isn't going anywhere and becoming a daily 'soap'. Sorry but it's time to lock it.