separation with my wife who is on spousal visa

[R33]

Hi Forum,

This is my first post and hope you can all help me with an incident that is giving me constant sleepless nights.

I had an arranged marriage two years ago in Pakistan. My wife is a pakistani national who arrived shortly afterwards. My islamic marriage in Pakistan was accepted for the purpose of her spousal visa.

We have had a fairly rough marriage since we have been together and have suspected that may wife either has mental health issues or plain vindictive(I must stress, no violence or mental abuse in our marriage). We have a 16 month old daughter bornin the UK who I love very much.

Her two year spousal visa expired in July 07 but we stupidly thought it was due to expire in Aug 07. Due to this, when we going to apply for indefinitive leave, we realised she was technically an overstayer!

To cut a long story short, after making enquiries with the home office etc, we managed to get the spousal visa extended for another two years. This arrived two weeks ago.

Here is where the interesting stuff starts and where I need advice...........

On the day that the two year spousal visa extension arrived, I was watching TV in the evening with my wife when the door bell rang. It was the police who turned up and said that my wife's father from Pakistan had called police saying that his daughter was being held against her will! Police realised it that the informanty was wrong and put the incident down to a non crime domestic. But bizarrely my wife told police that she felt unsafe and did not want to stay with me. Police then said they would take her to a place of safety and left. I was left dumbstruck at home with my daughter and found it even more bizarre that she did not want to take our daughter (which is good for me) and did so on the day her vusa was renewed.

I then went to my parents home and told thgem of what had just gone on. Whilst there the police turned up at my parents. This time they took my daughter into police protection stating that allegations had been made and even took her soiled nappies! I ws distraught and angry that if allegations had ben made against me and my family against my own daughter then why were arrests not made. It eventually transpired that she made allegation of sexual abuse and police placed my daughter in a foster care home and not in my wife's care, as police also suspected that my wife may have mental health issues. Police decided to close the case as there was obviously no evidence to these absurd claims but did not get my daughter back till after 7 days as social services also conducted there own investigation. The reason why social services gave her to me and not my wife as even though she passed a mental health assesment is that I was deemed more suitable because she is living at a temporary address and I have the support of all my family as carers.

Once this plan of my wife failed, she decided to report tot he police that I beat her 4 weeks ago and the injuries amounted to GBH. I was arrested and interviewed, and this case has again been closed due to there being no evidence.

I did get a hint from the local authority that my wife slipped up during her mental health assessment and admitted to them that she made up lies of sexual abuse to get my daughter.

This is where I need advice....

My daughtrer is in my care and am going through the correct channels for permanent custody etc.

What I need to know is do I inform the home office that she has left me (separated) as I feel this may invalidate the terms of the visa. Is she still my financial dependant?

Can she claim stay on the basis of our daughter living here? Is she entitled to legal aid if the custody matter goes to court, bearing in mind she cannot even claim benefits?

If she does get permanent custody of my daughter, will I have to pay costs to my wife (i don't mind my daughter) as ona spousal visa she is my financial dependant. My wife has no family in the UK, nor does she have any money or any place where she could stay.

She has put me through hell and more importantly has put my daughter in a fostyer care for a week which also resulted in her being examined. I cannot forgive her and will certainly not take her back.

I want to make things very difficult for her as it is apparent that all she wants is a visa. There are two sides to every store but you have to take my word for it that she is a lousy and incompetent mother who happily neglects our daughter.

What can I do now? Ideally I would just like her to go back to pakistan but she will no doubt try and get her aim.

Can anyone also recommend a decent immigration solicitor in the London / Buckinghamshire area.

Many thanks and will welcome your comments and help.

Regards

R33

[SYH]

Thats a sad story and whats worse is that if she is unstable, well there is not going to be an easy answer. Since she seems not very reasonable and the visa timings seems a bit coincidental and the weirdness of her father calling to make allegations, I'd just call it quits since the baby is at stake and you need to make a clean break, as clean as possible for the child.

I would inform the HO she is no longer with you, this would invalidate her visa, she is no longer your financial dependant.

After that I wouldn't be concerned whether she can stay here or not so you need to draw a line to get some sanity in your life.

Whether she gets custody is not an immigration issue but it is makes more unlikely if she is not here on a valid visa.
Don't go out of your way to make her life hard, just deal with the visa bit first and the rest will follow and you will have to take it from there but you can't be anticipating the rest of the lot until it happens.
So keep it simple, the best thing you can do for your piece of mind and your child's welfare is to terminate her visa as soon as possible.

Good Luck

[Dawie]

I suggest you stop trying to use the immigration system for revenge and go get some family counseling!

[archigabe]

I don't think it's a matter for family counseling anymore.It's better for him and his daughter if the woman is as far away from them as possible.

[avjones]

Dawie, I don't think this is about revenge - on the OP's account, it's about his daughter's and his own safety.

[R33]

I suggest you stop trying to use the immigration system for revenge and go get some family counseling!

I am certainly not looking for revenge, just want to know how much further she can talk to me over and what options I have. Please read the post fully.

For the rest of you, many thanks for the replies. Keep them coming and can is it possible to recommend an immigration solicitor on this forum?

[R33]

Bump please regarding solicitor recommendations.

[Docterror]

One who frequently contributes in this board is Victoria Sharkey with the user-id 'VictoriaS'. You can either PM her or google her.

[VictoriaS]

I am not sure that you need an immigration solicitor to be honest, though if you wish to e-mail or PM please do.

Have you considered that your wife may have made up these stories and got the police involved in order to try to qualify for ILR under the domestic violence category? If she is thinking this way, it would explain why she has started doing this after finding she cannot get ILR through the usualy channel. It may also mean that reporting her to the Home Office may bring out more allegations.

My gut feeling is to wait until you have resolve the custody issues before reporting her to the Home Office. She is entitled to remain in the UK until after this is sorted out anyway.

Victoria

[R33]

Thanks for your prompt reply.

I do not mind her making more allegations as there is no evidence and she will continue to look stupid.

I will certainly contact you once I get the custody side done, which is moving at a fast rate.

I am not looking for revenge, I just want to know what she is entitiled to from the state whilst on a spousal visa.

Regards


R33

[Administrator]

.

Initiate divorce proceedings immediately. Get it documented.

Make a formal filing for sole custody of your daughter. Get it documented.

She has presented false statements to the police. Get that documented. In fact, get advice on and lodge appropriate complaints against her.

If there is any record at all of her admission that she lied about your behavior with your daughter, locate those records and get copies. You will need those, unfortunately, before this is over.

Based upon her false statements about you, you have sufficient grounds to demonstrate irreconcilable differences. You are separated effective the date she walked out of your house. She willfully abandoned her own daughter on that date, also ... make sure all documentation includes that fact.


Considering that she presents a danger both to yourself and your daughter, also consider getting a restraining order against her (I believe an "injunction" under UK law).

Yes, she does present a danger to you and your daughter: her actions threaten the stability and well-being of your lives. The injunction should prevent her from approaching you or your daughter without some fairly neutral third party present. You do not want her to attempt a kidnapping.


Regarding her father, he is probably reacting specifically to what she has told him and is just being used. Clearly he cannot have any direct knowledge of the situation. Well, unless (possibly) he is part of some plan from the beginning ...

Anyway, his participation in this is largely irrelevant. Don't be distracted by him; any "information" he provides can be discounted since his only possible source of that "information" comes from hearsay by his daughter.


Once you get these various documents in order (esp. divorce/separation and/or injunction), be sure to contact immigration and make sure her file is up to date.

Especially including the exact date of your separation (the renewal date of her visa). The clock is ticking on her. Try to set the beginning of it as far back as possible. Use the police reports as documentation.

Beyond assisting immigration with updating her file, make no requests about her. Your only reason to contact immigration & provide them with information is to update &/or clarify your own and your daughters visa/residency status.

Only request assistance regarding your own visa &/or assistance/advice regarding your daughter remaining in-country with you. IF such requests are necessary.

the Admin

[R33]

Thank you sincereley Admin for the indepth reply. The advice is appreciated and will certainly be taken on board. Likewise VictoriaS and everyone else.

Update - I have been granted custody of my daughter by a family court for 3 weeks until my wife can be summonsed and attend court.

I also have a prohibited steps order in place which prevents my daughter leaving the country - which I suspect my wife may do at some point.

I have also been arrested for GBH (violent assault) which I mentioned earlier as my wife made up a false allegation. The police has decided not to proceed with the allegation as there was no evidence and I believe her statement had holes etc. GBH is a serious assaullt and she surprise surprise never had her injuries recorded.

I have been told there is a positive action policy approved by the home office regarding domestic incidents so am not that angry at the police!

My wife has made no attemt to contact me or my daughter through official channels or through myself. I understand and have come to terms with the fact that it is over.

I would like like to have action taken against my wife for making FALSE allegations against me, ie perjury, perverting the court of justice or wasting police time but there is no evidence unless the mental health assesment give theirinformation to the police and they decide to take action. I'm clueless to what information they receieved.

Anyway coming back to immigration matters I am confused as I have received conflicting advice on this thread. On one side I should wait until custody of my daughter is fully decided and on the other side I should inform the home office now. How do I decide?

I would like to inform the home office and have a letter typed out and saved, as she is in the UK on the basis of being my financial dependant. This has now changed and would I not be liable in any way shape of form if things went wrong or if I did not inform the home office? I am not trying to get at anything such as wanting to ger her deported etc as I fully understand that is a decision that has nothing to do with me but certainly do not want her to have things made easy whilst the government think I am her financial support. My wife is also living temporarily with friends.

Many thanks again and keep them coming.

[Administrator]

.

Don't wait.

What is your visa/residency status? If I understand this correctly, your daughter was born in the UK. There are quite some protections for her, although (and I'm not certain on this) I think you must obtain ILR for her to claim & formalize her citizenship.

Others here should know that in some detail.

Consider all your vulnerabilities regarding your job, residency, visa and don't delay on actions to ensure those aspects of your life.

And, yes, make sure you get specific documentation to prove she is no longer your financial dependent and that you are no longer "sponsoring" her stay (& therefore visa) in the UK.

That point needs to be clearly documented with immigration ... although, carefully, do not request their specific actions, beyond updating information regarding yourself and your daughter. The moment you start asking or ''telling'' them to do things, you begin to expose yourself to liability and suspicion.

Let them make their own decisions.

Ask them for advice on your rights and how to protect them.

The same advice goes with the police. Offer to support them if they need to make a complaint against her, but try to refrain from making your own complaint(s) ... EXCEPT in clear-cut cases where you need to defend yourself against direct harm she is causing you (and your dependent child) with her own illegal actions.

Let her own behavior and actions seek their own reward. Focus your strategies, energies and resources on a rock-solid defense of your own life & well-being.

Make the point as strongly as you can that she willfully abandoned her own child at the same time she abandoned you. She will have to defend against that action (if it's even possible), and that will consume her resources & time as much as establishing her immigration status.


One thing, though ... I sure hope you are being honest with us. I'd really hate to find out later that her allegations are truthful & we're helping the 'wrong' person.

the Admin

[R33]

Thank you again for the advice Admin.

First and foremost, I have no way to prove I am telling the truth and can simply hope you take me at word value.

I am born and bred in the UK an likewise so is my daughter hence have no immigartion issues.

I intend to take your advice and simply inform the home office that she has left me and on which date and leave the rest to them. I have already done what you have suggested with the police.

Right now, I shall continue to be strong and hope this nightmare spell ends very soon.

Thanks again

R33

[tinux]

Hi

I am sorry to hear your story. funny enough I have a friend who went through 2 years of similar problems .although he was never charged of anything but he was refused custody and even the right to see his daughter except for 2 hours every other week and when he was 5 minutes late due to train delay he was refused access. anyway his wife at that time received the right to stay and then after wards she went a bit softer and now he has the right to see his daughter anytime he wishes.
Some of the stories he used to tell me (sometimes i was on the phone to him for 4 hours) would drive anyone crazy.

I think in these situations as I father i would seek professional help in order to care for your wellbeing and of your kid and IGNORE HER .
I would not report her or try to even worry about her
do what you have to to look after yourself and your kid.
You are not the Police
by the way he also got the right to stop his daughter from travelling and guess what?????/ she managed to take her on holiday with the court consent even though he was not happy .it was too complicated as the solicitors gave him many conflicting advises. (the country she was going to had no custody agreement with the UK , so it was even more dangerous). but he took my advice to be patient and be kind and it worked out for the best.
I maybe wrong but I believe that there is always a good outcome after every calamity and one should be patient and try as best as possible to forgive instead of trying to get revenge.

Peace and may God be with you

[Administrator]

.

First and foremost, I have no way to prove I am telling the truth and can simply hope you take me at word value.

Sorry. Re-reading that, what I wrote comes off a bit stronger than intended. I was more commenting out loud ....

None of us have any way to "prove" we are 'decent folks.' That's sort of the crux of the whole thing.

Given what you've posted and the thread of this topic, I just sort of decided to trust you.

I'm hoping it all works out for the best, too. I really hate situations like this one; I've been involved in a couple that were a very similar mess.

Good luck!

the Admin