I need my kids.

[almostdrained]

This may be a very rare case. But they say nothing is new under the sun. It's definitely a complex situatio because I had 2 consultations with 2 lawyers at a loss. My wife , 2 adopted in Vietnam step daughters and I moved back to my hometown in East Anglia 6 months ago on a spouse visa. The adoption isn't law in England but my parentship is recognised by the UK govt. After several arguments my wife now wants to go home to Vietnam as her business interests will die without her she says. It may be true also. I have always been the house mum as she has no time literally. She wants to leave the children with me and they want that too. They have been attending schools for nearly 6 months and are happy with their new life. My wife is willing to sign a separation agreement, One barrister told me there's a very good chance I can get child visas but I can't afford him. I can meet all other requirements.
For example:- What happens if you spouse runs away home with no forwarding address? Surely no one would just deport them or say go back to no one in Vietnam. That must of happened before.
Or 2 people with ILR but not married in the UK separate. So custody arrangements must be made.
Any comments or ideas would be most gratefully appreciated.
Darryn

[almostdrained]

BTW I have been like a mum to them and married also for 8 years so I'm very close to tem.

[THO]

Hi,

Are you suggesting that, if she just goes back to VN, supposedly abandoning her children with you, that the HO will have no other option but to grant them ILR, and you their custody?

This is a plan that might just backfire badly, if you are not their legal guardian, then the govt may just take them into care. Risky.

You do not mention your financial situation, how will you be able to afford to keep them? Do you work and earn enough, since you say you are a house husband?

Has the relationship between you and your wife completely failed now, no way to resolve it?

[almostdrained]

Hi there

Thanks for your reply. I was just comparing situations that might have similar precedents. But I'm only a lay man lawyer. I have an online teaching English and recruiting staff for an English teaching concern in Vietnam 15000 a year so I can do that from home. I also have quite a lot of savings. In fact my wife works for the VN education department and runs some English centres which depend on her job (which won't give her 6 months absence a year) because she arranges a lot of ESL teachers to live in VN and teach at schools in the area.Also 2 properties are now being bought with that money secured by our large house there which we own outright. So it's more a forced separation because all her life's work will collapse in her absence. So the arguments have been based on her not wanting to give it all up. I also had to come back to England to receive medical treatment not available in VN as well as missing my home and family after a 9 year absence But she is education driven and has never really had any time to look after the children so if I wasn't there they would have to look after themselves i believe. .She would be prepared to give an out of court legal sole custody to me and give additional financial support to us.She first thought she might manage things from the UK by travelling to VN 180 days per year and running the rest online but now her job with the gov. are saying it can't work. 11 English ESL teachers and about 10 VN staff are also involved. So it's a sad situation all round.
Darryn

[almostdrained]

p.S. I'm not suggesting the HO grant ILR but allow me to change over to the child visa. I thought I might get something like a social services report to back up my claim too. it's all very sad and worrying.

[THO]

That is a sad story. Poor kids, abandoned by their father, and then by their mother. It's a good job they got you, but I think you need to get a good lawyer as this is one that you need to get right, or you could end up with a lot of heartache.

Maybe, just a legal document saying she is happy to leave them with you while she is away, and do not involve the HO. She just goes back on the quiet, and you carry on as normal. If the HO asks, you are both still together as a couple? Probably a very long shot.

[almostdrained]

Thank you for your encouragement. Their natural father died so I'm not sure which is worse. That did cross my mind briefly but i thought if we just continue and the HO finds out that my wife broke the rules they might not get ILR after 5 years. They both want to go to university eventually and become valuable members of society to which they could get a grant and student loan. They are both hardworking serious students and Vietnamese have high moral standards (Almost Victorian but very nice though. Because on the spouse visa they are dependents on her visa. So also she would inadvertently be making a false claim for iLR too. Which she wouldn't like either. I definitely need legal help but I'm not sure where to find specialist advice at an affordable price. Because I read on the internet that an immigrant can only spend a maximum of 180 days out of the country in 1 year.
HUhu
Darryn

[THO]

My wife is from VN, hence the flag. I know they have very good work ethic and morals, I've spent quite a lot of time there myself.

I know the cost of lawyers is high, but there is precious little helpful advice available from the HO, and your case is hard to figure out what the best thing to do is. I would not, with the best will in the World, take advice from here, I would use it as a starting point to ask a Lawyer what his opinion is.

Also, have you thought what might happen if the mother gets back to VN and then decides she wants her children with her?

[almostdrained]

She is quite prepared to give up her right to ILR if it didn't affect theirs - as in they were here for the whole 5 years but she wasn't.

[THO]

Therein lies the rub, without her here, they may well have to go back with her, and there is nothing that can be done. Maybe you could adopt them legally here, before she leaves? Not sure if possible, or how long it would take, and if it would make any difference, but have you thought of that?

[almostdrained]

Hi

Yes I did think of it.It's worth looking into. I do half remember something about --if you or anyone else knowingly brings a child into the UK for the purpose of adoption while they are a visitor or under immigration rules it's an offense. But you can adopt a foreign child as a habitual resident too. Ask the lawyer I guess.
Darryn

[almostdrained]

My wife is from VN, hence the flag. I know they have very good work ethic and morals, I've spent quite a lot of time there myself.

I know the cost of lawyers is high, but there is precious little helpful advice available from the HO, and your case is hard to figure out what the best thing to do is. I would not, with the best will in the World, take advice from here, I would use it as a starting point to ask a Lawyer what his opinion is.

Also, have you thought what might happen if the mother gets back to VN and then decides she wants her children with her?

Unfortunately that would never happen. She is an education driven workaholic and never has time to be a mother. She just offers financial support which isn't enough. That's why I was forced to become a house husband. Thousands of kids do benefit though and I still love her as do my children but we never see her enough as she works all hours everyday. I am willing to pay a lawyer but so far only a barrister seemed to understand it and he was 750 pound an hour. 2 other consultations were inconclusive and inadequate advice.

[THO]

If you do get a lawyer, make sure he / she is OISC registered. Look on the .gov Web site for a list. But that seems rather steep to me.

When is the wife going to go back?

And did you do what I mentioned, and adopt them legally in the UK, that might just change the whole situation??

[almostdrained]

If you do get a lawyer, make sure he / she is OISC registered. Look on the .gov Web site for a list. But that seems rather steep to me.

When is the wife going to go back?

And did you do what I mentioned, and adopt them legally in the UK, that might just change the whole situation??

Hi
The education department job is putting pressure on her now to return. She has used up 5 months of her 6 months allowance already and had a month off work already. I'll try to look into the UK adoption method if I'm allowed to do it. The 2 lawyers I tried were registered immigration lawyers but they didn't seem to be qualified for this rare case. They didn't know about family law or adoption of foreign children laws.
Thanks

[almostdrained]

I really do appreciate your taking an interest though, thank you for your ideas.

[THO]

Well, I feel for you and the girls. Keep in touch, and let me know what you organise.

[almostdrained]

Thank you i will.