First adult passport problems

[sunshineplease]

Hi there!

First of all, I'm not Irish, maybe only 1/6 Irish, but there was no UK flag to choose from, obviously. My Polish coworkers told me to post this here as you guys would probably be able to advise me... They said "we're probably gonna get a British passport before you do", but I'm afraid they were not speaking in jest. I was born in England to English parents who emigrated, leaving me initially with my grandparents, and my life has been a mess as a result of that. I haven't spoken to them in years and I hear the occasional news from people I end up bumping into when I am in town. But I don't want to know of my parents, much less do I want anything to do with my grandmother. Anyways, I got a really good job offer but that meant I had to travel to France on the 6th of October, so I applied for my first adult passport and waited. A couple of weeks in I had not received the letter for the interview so I called HMPO and they want a copy of my driving licence, additionally, they say they need to contact my grandmother to understand what's happening. I was initially offended by the fact that of all the people they could contact (my boss, my neighbours, the uncle who helped me get through this) they want to write to my grandmother to make sure she can confirm my details. I'm not a child, and I doubt that woman knows more about me than my community, my workmates, the parents of the kids I look after in our community childcare centre, and I'm really bummed about this. I feel like the UK has got this whole system wrong, the lovely Poles at work are totally shocked by the fact that they want to dig so deep into my life, especially when all applications already require a countersignatory. I'm beginning to think ID cards are a good idea, I'd rather be fingerprinted than to have my details confirmed by a woman I haven't spoken with in eight years.

Anyways, I know I'm drifting off a bit. I know they'll write to her and as awful as she is, she'll confirm all the bloody details for them, making me feel like I'm not an adult, much less an independent human being. I'm just wondering how ethical this is, if anybody has gone through this (my neighbour also applied for a first adult passport, she hasn't got a driving licence and she doesn't even vote, she wasn't asked any of this, she went straight for the interview) and how long it took for HMPO to sort this out. I feel like I'm being treated as some sort of criminal, I just feel like my dignity as someone who went through a hell of a lot without the help or support of family has just gone down the drain. I want to be on their side and say that they're doing it to protect me, and all of us, but in reality I think they could look into every aspect of my life but contacting the family I don't have contact with is all a bit much. Plus, I won't make it to my trip, meaning I won't get the job.

Anyone has gone through this? How long does it take for them to do all the "checks"?